The Wins We Don’t Count

Varsity football and lacrosse athlete Mac Saye ’27 approaches defeat as motivation. “Handling disappointment and frustration after a loss is always difficult,” he said. “But you have to realize what some of the gifts of losing hold. Losing, personally, motivates me to work harder.” For Saye, every loss is a mirror, a chance to identify habits or decisions that held him back and to correct them. “If you’re consistently losing, you’re consistently doing something wrong,” he said. “When you identify what that is and start to change it, your results will change positively.”

Those same habits of self-reflection, accountability, and persistence are exactly what define success in adulthood. “Sports and losing have prepared me for situations in which I can persevere on my own and work for what I want to achieve,” Saye added. Every missed shot or failed play becomes a rehearsal for future challenges far beyond the playing field.

Often, losing in a public setting presents a unique set of challenges. For soccer and football player Henry McGill ’27, losing has been both a public and personal process. As a kicker for the football team, his performance is often the difference between victory and defeat, a reality that tests emotional strength. “Either the ball goes through the uprights or it doesn’t,” he said. “Learning to react to both outcomes the same way is important because it shows my teammates that there is still a game to play.”

A lesson from Head Football Coach Harry Flaherty helped McGill redefine failure. “Coach pulled up a video where Kobe Bryant was asked whether he loved to win or hated to lose. He responded, ‘Neither.’” Bryant’s point, McGill explained, was that failure isn’t defined by one bad day but by refusing to grow from it. “I should see failure as a guide that shows where I need to improve.”

Soccer player and running back David Dickson ’27 is familiar with that kind of perseverance. He still remembers an agonizing football loss against St. John’s, when his team came within seconds of victory. “It was heart-wrenching,” he said. “All the hard work we had put in seemed to not show up when we needed it the most.” Yet, even in defeat, gratitude remained. “We were blessed with the opportunity to go and play a game on a Friday night,” he reflected.

For Dickson, the perspective to see beyond the outcome defines maturity. “All the tough times build us up into greater men of character,” he said. “Coach Flaherty tells us we can only hurt for one day. Every setback sets us up for something greater, and we must believe that.” That ability to reset, to move on quickly while learning from mistakes, is a cornerstone of resilience in both sports and life. “It’s the same with a bad grade or frustration with yourself,” Dickson added. “You turn away from what’s hurting and move forward.”

For tennis player Bryan Li ’28, those same lessons unfold in a more individual arena. “Every loss tells me something about my mindset, preparation, and habits,” he said. “After a win, I tend to move on quickly, but losses force me to reflect.” He recalls facing a Division I recruit in a match last season. “I had zero expectations going in, but even though I lost, it gave me confidence — I realized I could play at that level.” Li admits that managing pressure is one of his biggest challenges. “There’s a quote from Billie Jean King: ‘Pressure is a privilege,’” he said. “It’s something I remind myself of during matches — it means you’re in a position that matters.”

Li also sees losing as part of emotional growth. “You’re alone with your thoughts for the entire match, so everything is about your mindset,” he said. “Losing hurts because it means you care, but it also makes winning more meaningful. When you put in the work, both the struggle and the satisfaction matter.”

That same mindset is taking root among younger Marksmen. Drew Hamilton ’31 experienced a challenging football season this fall. “Even though we lost all our games, we had lots of good learning experiences,” he said. “We were able to build strong connections with each other and prepare well for our eighth-grade season.”

Losing games helped Hamilton redefine what success means. “I used to think success meant being perfect,” he said. “Instead, I realized it’s about the small details. I wasn’t worried about the score—just the current play. My mindset was that if we won one play at a time, the game would go our way.”

The lessons of losing also unfold far from the scoreboard, often in the training room. Head athletic trainer Matt Hjertstedt believes the mental side of recovery matters most. “The athlete’s mental outlook is the most important part of their recovery,” he said. “My role is to keep them positive and focused on what they can do.” Goal-setting helps provide momentum. “Once we have a goal, we reset it daily so they can see a clear path forward.” Acknowledging loss is equally important. “Having an injury during the season causes athletes to lose something important. Allowing time for that grief matters.” Fellow athletic trainer Natalie Bumpas emphasized that recovery is a shared responsibility. “It’s a team effort—between the athlete, coaches, physicians, parents, and our wellness and academic support teams,” she said. “Resilience looks like a kid still showing up: watching practice, helping teammates, doing rehab the right way, even when progress feels slow.” That mindset, she noted, can quietly reshape leadership. After missing an entire season due to surgery, one athlete continued to serve his teammates daily—and was later voted team captain. “Upperclassmen should never underestimate their influence,” Bumpas said. “A younger Marksman is always watching.” 

For Trent Calder, Director of Aquatics, winning itself is redefined. “To me, winning is not the goal; it’s the byproduct of doing the little things right, every single day,” he said. “If we learn from it, even a loss can be a victory.”

Calder believes athletics are a rehearsal for life — teaching discipline, focus, and reflection. “Sports don’t create character,” he said. “They reveal it.” And what they reveal, in moments of loss, is often what matters most: grit, humility, teamwork, and the quiet strength to begin again.

That same choice, what to do with loss, was at the heart of a  Chapel Talk by football player and basketball guard Spencer Hopkin ’26. Reflecting on a recent tough defeat for the varsity basketball team, Hopkin shared words from a teammate that reframed the moment. “A teammate said in the locker room after the game, ‘There are two paths you can take with this loss,’” Hopkin said. “‘You can let it fuel you to go win an SPC championship, or you can let it make you give up on the season.’” For Hopkin, the lesson was clear. “It’s essential to move forward and focus on improving who I am — not for approval, but for impact — and to positively influence the time I have left with this team.”

Ultimately, that’s the paradox of athletics. The games we lose often teach us how to live better lives. The wins often fade, but the lessons from our setbacks remain. Every dropped ball, every missed shot, every moment of heartbreak on the field, on the court, or in the pool, becomes preparation for something bigger: the challenges, disappointments, and comebacks that define adulthood. Or, as Hamilton put it simply, “These losses gave me something to work toward.”