The Wins We Don’t Count

(Part 1 of a 2-part Series)

In athletics, the scoreboard fades quickly, but the lessons behind the score last a lifetime, particularly the ones from loss. In this first installment of The Wins We Don’t Count, alumni and professional athletes reflect on how setbacks shaped their approach to leadership, resilience, and purpose. From the NFL to the NBA and the Olympic Trials, their experiences reveal a universal truth: The strength to improve often begins in moments of defeat.

The mindset of, ‘treating loss not as an ending but as a teacher resonates deeply with Taylor Jenkins ’03, former NBA head coach. “Everyone talks about wins and losses and championships,” Jenkins said. “To me, it’s about happiness. My happiness, my definition of success, is finding success in others. Being a coach, I want my players to find success.”

For Jenkins, the lessons of losing extend beyond competition and into purpose. “Taking a step back, how am I finding purpose in what I’m doing now? How is that fulfilling for me—not just finding success for myself, but also in those around me?” he said. Losing, he believes, reveals not only resilience but empathy, the ability to connect growth and joy to the progress of others. 

That lesson crystallized for Sam Acho ’07 in a moment at St. Mark’s that had nothing to do with a final score. During a game in his Lower School years in which opposing players repeatedly fouled him without a whistle, Sam was frustrated that the referees never stepped in. Coach Doc Browning pulled him aside and told him, “The other team is going to trip you and they’re not going to call it, they’re going to push you and they’re not going to call it, they’re going to jump on you and they’re not going to call it, and you still have to overcome.” Browning wasn’t dismissing the injustice; he was preparing Sam for reality. There would be moments, in sports and in life, when things weren’t fair, when effort wasn’t rewarded, when the call didn’t come. “This may be your life,” Browning said. “Get used to it.” For Acho, that message stuck. It followed him through Upper School, college at the University of Texas, and into the NFL, teaching him not to wait on fairness, but to respond with resilience.

Acho experienced that lesson in its most painful form during his third NFL season. “In my mind, I was about to sign a big-time contract,” he said. “I finally felt like I had my groove.” Then, during a game, another player fell on his leg. “My ankle was broken. I was out for the season. That was not the plan.” 

Instead of disappearing into rehabilitation, Acho’s injury became a turning point. Encouraged to “not waste his suffering,” he began writing about what it felt like to go from player to spectator and then took that reflection into the community. “That was my first opportunity to go into TV,” he said. “Fast forward 12 years, and I’m at ESPN.” What felt like failure, he learned, was redirection. “Adversity taught me that God’s plan is better than mine.” 

To Acho, sport is a rehearsal for life. “There might be potholes you didn’t expect. You might even get into an accident,” he said. “But it’s the vehicle—not the destination. The lessons you learn on the road are what it’s all about.” He believes adversity is essential. “You cannot run away from it. If you do, you’ll never learn the lesson you need to learn. Those lessons will continue to confront you.” 

That philosophy echoes across the St. Mark’s athletic program. Sean Lissemore, Director of Athletics and former NFL defensive end, puts it plainly: “All athletes will inevitably fail at some point. You need to understand that failure is a part of the deal. It comes with the territory, and how you respond to failure is critical to your future success.” 

Lissemore’s career taught him that the athletic lessons of perseverance, humility, and empathy are the same ones that define effective leadership. “Each failure should be treated as an opportunity to improve and become a better version of yourself,” he said. “You must always remain humble and empathetic to others because navigating failure is an essential part of the growth process.”

He remembers the sting of professional losses under the national spotlight. “It was all over TV, newspapers, social media, and radio,” he said. “This taught me a lot about having a short memory and focusing on what you can control each day.” His advice applies as much to adulthood as athletics: focus on effort, not noise. As he reminds his athletes, “It’s hard to beat a person who never gives up.”

Strength and Conditioning Coach and former national champion track and field athlete Kevin Dilworth echoes that wisdom. “Losses have taught me far more about character and growth than victories ever could,” he said. “Winning can sometimes breed complacency, but losing keeps you humble and hungry.” Dilworth encourages athletes to see losses as “data, not destiny,” a mindset that mirrors professional resilience. “Every great athlete and team has faced setbacks. The difference is how they respond.”

Together, their stories point to a truth every Marksman eventually discovers: Wins may validate, but losses transform. The games we lose often teach us how to live better lives. They teach us how to respond when the call doesn’t come, when the plan collapses, when effort goes unseen. Long after the scoreboard is forgotten, those moments remain, quietly shaping how we lead, how we endure, and how we begin again.