Supporting Growth Through Challenge

Renowned psychologist, podcaster, and bestselling author Dr. Lisa Damour visited campus for two days in December, offering practical strategies to support adolescent wellbeing and a clearer definition of what mental health is. 

Reflecting on the breadth of the visit, Dr. Gabby Reed, director of the Marksman Wellness Center, shared, “What an incredible gift it was to have Dr. Damour on our campus to share her warmth and expertise with our faculty, students, and parents. Our teachers had the opportunity for deeper learning about the emotional and intellectual development of students of all ages. Our parents added to their knowledge of how to build healthy and supportive bonds with their children. And our students learned about the importance of guilt-free recovery and the emotion-body connection.” 

While speaking at special Middle and Upper School Assemblies, Dr. Damour emphasized that anxiety and stress are normal, and often useful parts of development when managed with effective coping and recovery. 

“Most of what you’re going to hear is people suggesting that being mentally healthy is about feeling good,” Damour told students. “That’s not what mental health is. Mental health is about two things: having feelings that fit what is happening and managing those feelings well.”  

Damour drew on her consultation work for Pixar’s Inside Out 2 to explain how anxiety functions as the brain’s early warning system. “Healthy anxiety anticipates threats and corrects course. If you have a huge test coming and you haven’t studied and you feel anxious, that’s anxiety doing its job.” Damour shared some tools for managing anxiety, such as “box breathing” to signal safety to the brain and “turn off the anxiety alarm.” 

She encouraged students to think about academic challenge like strength training: stress plus high-quality recovery leads to growth. “If the work is easy, it’s a nice break, but it’s not helping you grow. School is supposed to be stressful. Instead, focus on high-quality recovery when you get home.” Speaking to Upper Schoolers, she added: “People who are serious about strength training don’t feel guilty on the days that they don’t work those muscles. You need the sleep, you need to watch TV, you need to hang out with your dogs, you need to listen to music.”  

In a dedicated parent session, Damour underscored the power of relationships. “The most powerful force for youth mental health is strong relationships with caring adults—that outmatches everything else,” she said. Her two-word guide for parents when kids are upset: “Steady presence. It’s important for our kids to be able to look at us for reassurance that it’s not as bad as it feels.” Damour also shared practical coping strategies, such as music, movement, time outside, and short, intentional breaks. 

Faculty and staff from all divisions also had the opportunity to hear from Damour as part of a dedicated professional development day following the Thanksgiving holiday, where vibrant discussions took place throughout the morning about supporting the overall well-being of the boys in our community. After lunch, teachers from all divisions and subjects intermixed for breakout sessions to dig deeper into topics like student motivation, stress and anxiety, and teaching students coping skills.  

The visit concluded with encouragement for seniors navigating college applications. Damour reassured students that stress eases as you gain control over your time and reminded them that their growth belongs to them. 

Dr. Reed captured the lasting impact of the visit, noting, “It would be impossible to bottle up all that we learned and experienced, but the two days she spent with us continue to resonate throughout our community.” In that ongoing resonance—through challenge, recovery, and steady presence—St. Mark’s continues its commitment to developing young men who are equipped to meet high expectations and to carry forward habits of growth and care as they grow.

Dr. Damour’s visit was facilitated by the Marksman Wellness Center. The Center is comprised of St. Mark’s three divisional counselors, plus a director of academic success and an academic and wellness specialist. Across all grade levels, the Marksman Wellness Center partners with students, families, and teachers to promote the development of health and wellness and assist with academic, social, behavioral, and emotional needs.